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The way I have seen some parents act and have read
about recently is appalling. Here are some great ideas they and
others could benefit from.
-- DON'T: Focus on wins and losses. Some experts suggest that
the perfect season is .500, enough wins for confidence, enough
losses for a challenge. Adjust your expectations.
-- DO: Have a plan in place for disruptive parents and make sure
everyone knows it will not be tolerated. Forfeit a game if necessary.
-- DON'T: Yell at the players, especially your children. Positive
feedback is always encouraged, but the coach handles strategy,
not the parents.
-- DO: Get to know the coach and understand his philosophy. But
do not campaign for playing time for your child.
-- DON'T: Get carried away if your child shows early athletic
ability. Studies show only 10 percent of gifted athletes could
be recognized by the age of 12.
-- DO: Recognize that a full college scholarship is not a realistic
goal for the majority of players, even the good ones. Thirty million
children are playing sports in America. Only about 300,000 play
in college at Division I, II, or III level.
-- DON'T: Launch into a critique after each game. Listen. Ask
your child, "What was your favorite part of the game? Why?"
-- DO: Concentrate on ELM. E for Effort, which everyone can contribute.
L for Learning skills. M for Mistakes (bounce back from them;
everyone makes them).
-- DON'T: Stand by and let a parent abuse an official, coach,
or player. Remind him or her, as a group, that the game is for
the kids. Make it clear this is not a confrontation but that he
or she is out of step with the majority.
-- DO: Set up a workable plan for grievances. Make it clear that
nothing will be settled at the game, but there is a way to present
concerns to an impartial board. Angry, out of control parents
will get a hearing, but not on the field.
-- DON'T: Vent at the officials. There is no harder job, and
most of them are volunteers, taking on what has become an unpleasant
task for the good of your children. Respect their commitment and
realize they may miss a call.
-- DO: Encourage your child and his teammates. Studies show that
the "magic ratio" between praise and criticism that
works is 5:1. Children who received a 1:1 ratio were described
as "despairing."
(Sources: C.W. Nevius San Francisco Chronicle Staff Writer. The
Positive Coach Alliance, Stanford University; and the Joseph Matteucci
Foundation, Castro Valley.) .
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